Help for women

Your partner does not have the right to dominate and control you. You should not have to worry about how he will react to what you do.

No-one should be scared in their own home. You and your children have the right to live in safety.

Domestic violence is a crime. It is against the law.
Try to break your isolation by speaking to an organisation like Refuge or someone you trust about the abuse. Ending the silence is the first step towards a life without violence.

Am I being abused?

If you are not sure whether you are being abused, try reading our guide to recognising abuse and definition of domestic violence.

I’m being abused – what shall I do?

If you are being abused, it will help to remember this:

• You’re not alone. One woman in four is abused during her lifetime. One in nine is severely abused each year.
• You don’t have to deal with this on your own. Talk to someone you trust or call the Freephone 24 Hour National Domestic Violence Helpline run in partnership between Women’s Aid and Refuge. We’re there to listen, support and help you 24 hours a day, 365 days a year. All calls are confidential.
• The abuse is not your fault. You can’t make a man hit you – it’s his choice and only he is responsible.
• You cannot change your partner. He must accept responsibility for his behaviour.
• You don’t have to rush into any decisions. Take one day at a time – leaving a relationship is a process.
• Domestic violence is against the law. The police can offer you protection and help you find safe accommodation. If you are in danger call 999 – the police have a duty to investigate and charge.

Recognising that you are being abused is an important step. Where you go from here is up to you. You may feel you need time to think about your situation. Or perhaps you have already made up your mind to leave.

Whatever you decide, your safety is always the priority.

View more about keeping safe.

Please remember that abuse is hardly ever a one-off – it generally gets worse over time. And although abusive men can change, it is rare.

View more about whether he will.

Reading these suggestions about keeping safe and planning your departure may help so will looking around the rest of the website.

The way forward

Take it one step at a time and with each achievement you’ll feel stronger. You don’t have to decide whether to leave the relationship right away. Only you know what is the right decision for you in your situation. Refuge is there to support you whatever you decide.

We won’t judge you or tell you what to do. We won’t tell anyone you’ve been in touch with us. You can rebuild your life after violence, although right now it may feel impossible. It won’t happen overnight, but every day will be a little easier.

Money worries

If you’re worried about money or your financial responsibilities, visit the money worries page, or download You Can Afford to Leave – a financial guide for women experiencing domestic violence.

(Please note that not all the information in this guide is relevant to residents of Scotland.  However, you may still find the general information useful.)

More questions?

For more answers and suggestions, try looking around the website or reading our page of frequently asked questions. Or call the Freephone 24 Hour National Domestic Violence Helpline. Trained counsellors are there to listen and provide practical information and emotional support, every hour of the day.