Paula’s story
Paula’s story
I met Jason when I was in my early 30s. What attracted me to him was how charming he was. He was really nice to me. But now, looking back, I can see that all of the signs were there.
He began to get more and more controlling. He would call me all the time and if I wanted to see my friends he would start an argument so I wouldn’t go. When my friends came over he was rude to them – he even threw one of them out of the house. If I was on the phone to someone he’d be shouting in the background.
He started to put me down all the time. He would criticise everything about me – my clothes, my friends, my weight. He made me become so timid. He could manipulate me so easily – I lost all my confidence. It started to affect my work, I lost so many of my friends – I wasn’t happy any more.
A month after we got married he hit me so hard I had to go to hospital. We had moved to a new town after the wedding and I thought it would be a new start and things would change, but they just got worse. The first time he hit me, I was standing at the sink doing the washing up. He had just got home from work and he flew into a rage because dinner wasn’t ready. He punched me so badly in the face I needed 23 stitches. He wouldn’t let me go to the hospital at first, he locked the doors, but I was bleeding so badly I begged him and he took me. When we got there he was with me the whole time. He told me that if I told anyone what happened he would kill me. So I had to say I hit my face on a cupboard door.
After that he just kept beating me. He used to lock the doors and take my keys and phone, so I couldn’t get away. People at work saw when he had beaten me up, but no-one ever asked me what was going on. Gradually I had started to believe him when he said the abuse was my fault. And I never did anything or told anyone because he kept saying sorry and I believed him.
But then one day I just had enough. I knew I had to do something. I managed to get away from the house and I called the police. They came and arrested him. He was taken to court and given a probation order for common assault. But when it expired he kept coming back to me saying he had learnt his lesson and things had changed, so I took him back. I believed him when he said it wouldn’t happen again.
For a few weeks everything was ok and we decided to go away for the weekend. But on the first night he started an argument over nothing and he just went wild. He broke my ribs, I was a complete mess. I ran downstairs and got the hotel staff to call the police. He was arrested again and was sent to prison for 13 weeks. On release, he came to find me and attacked me again. He was sent back to prison for another 13 weeks and the police suggested that I should move away. That was the moment everything clicked. I knew that the next time it happened I probably wouldn’t be alive.
The police put me in touch with Refuge who found me a find a place to stay in another town. Things are really good now. I left the refuge in the summer, I now I have my own flat. I’m back at work, I go out with my friends – I feel so much more confident. Now I can come home and feel safe. There’s no fear about what’s going to happen.
