The Myths

It can be tempting to explain away abusive behaviour by making excuses.

Let’s bust some myths, shall we?

It can be tempting to explain away patterns of abusive behaviour but it’s important to call that what it is: making excuses.

Remember, there is only one person to blame for abuse — and that is the abuser.

Myth 1: Alcohol, drugs and stress make men violent
Abusers are also violent when sober. Many men who drink never use violence. These are all excuses.

Myth 2: She would leave if it was really bad
There are many overlapping and intersecting reasons why women may stay. Leaving is difficult and takes time. It is a process.

Myth 3: Abusers grow up in violent homes
Violence is a choice an abuser makes; he alone is responsible.

Myth 4: Domestic abuse only happens to certain women
Domestic abuse can happen to any woman regardless of where they live, their profession, or their social, economic or ethnic background.

Myth 5: Some women deserve it
Men often claim their partner ‘makes them do it’. This is victim-blaming. The abuser alone is responsible.

Myth 6: He just loses his temper sometimes
Abusers say they ‘see red’ sometimes – but they are very much in control, using multiple methods to abuse.

Myth 7: Some women like violence
Women do not enjoy violence. Most live in fear and terror. This is victim-blaming.

Myth 8: She’s lucky to have him
Whether your abuser is also your caregiver, or presents himself as the perfect breadwinner, women often hear they are lucky to have someone ‘looking after them’. But you deserve to make choices about your own life.

Myth 9: Domestic abuse is a private matter
Domestic abuse is a crime. It is not an individual but a social problem. We all need to speak out against it.